“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

– Brené Brown

I have been coaching many women lately and one thing they have in common is a resistance to being who they are being “called” to be. Whether I’m engaging with entrepreneurs, athletes transitioning out of sport, or management professionals, all of them have been navigating barriers and buying in to limiting beliefs. Beliefs that have been instilled in them through a life-time of experiences, societal expectations and pressures —  as well as self-imposed limiting beliefs such as “I’m not good enough.” I have these beliefs pop up too, especially when I’m being vulnerable or going outside of my comfort zone.

Are women more self-critical than men? What does the research say about building confidence for those who were athletes versus those who were not?

Some people have had to develop self-assurance growing up and learn to stand up for themselves because of their circumstances (being bullied, defending against siblings, for example). Perhaps cultural norms have built a belief that it’s not safe to trust other people so children learn that they have to go it alone.

Let’s talk about self-confidence which is a synonym for self-assurance. Self-confidence is the emotional component of your personality and THE most important factor in determining how you think, feel and behave. Your level of self-confidence largely determines what you make happen in your life.

There are two key elements that comprise self-confidence:

• the degree to which you evaluate yourself as competent (rather than a specific skills)
• your internal dialogue (affirming the good in who you are, your values and beliefs, how much do you like yourself and how much do you trust in your abilities — there is no right or wrong answer!)

Self-confidence coupled with the power of self-image allows you to outwardly act in a way that is consistently aligned with your internal view of yourself. If you like yourself, you’ll set higher standards, strive to reach bigger goals and persist for longer in achieving those goals. Self-confidence can be found and applied to so many different elements of your life; it allows you to be bold, take risks, ask for that promotion, win an interview and have difficult conversations.

Here are some other things to think about:

• Set challenging/stretch goals: focus on your strengths and values so you stay true to yourself then create hope for a vision. Visualize the outcome that you want to move towards, surround yourself with people who will lift you up, and reach out for help if you get stuck!
• Do an honest assessment of your internal locus of control: who are you giving power and accountability to for your actions and your life? If you are waiting for other people, then you’re giving up your power. If you own that control / power, then it’s your responsibility to make things happen.
• Ask yourself what you really want for your life in the way of financial success, health, promotions, wellbeing?
• Try to accept feelings and suspend judgment. Let go of the idea that you need the approval of others to be accepted. You are enough. Develop an attitude of gratitude towards yourself.
• Be aware of comparison — it is the thief of joy. Be intentional with your use of social media; it probably has a bigger impact on you than you think.

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

- Zen Shin

Do you want to address your “limiting beliefs”, reframe your experiences, create a clear picture of who you are and where you want to go? I can help! The CliftonStrengths(TM) assessment is a great tool that unlocks your dominant talents and helps build confidence in who you are (what are your strengths, weaknesses). I can equip you with the tools needed for managing change, developing a growth-mindset and emotional intelligence. A key tool that we will use — the RocheMartin Emotional Capital Report — measures your leadership potential and assesses internal emotional intelligence competencies, including your self-confidence!

If you’re curious to learn more, if you want guidance, if you are stuck, if you want a sounding board or a trusted coach, I am here.

Through coaching conversations, self-assessments and other proven methods, I can help you answer some of the above questions and move you through change into a self-assured, self-confident version of you.

Recommended Reading:

“Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead” ~ Tara Mohr

Laura Dowling

Professional Coach & Facilitator

My name is Laura, but everyone calls me “LD”.
LD Performance Consulting provides emerging and experienced leaders, individuals and teams with world-class, customized leadership development and facilitation services that build confidence, unlock talent and improve performance.

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